[Vnbiz] Staying to be a Leader -- the Champion of Values

[Tran Dinh Hoanh]

Dear Brother Hai & CACC,

Brother Hai, resolving value conflict is the most difficult activity in
building our personal life and our society's life.  It is because that we
all think similarly but also differently, and values changes according to
each person, and also according to the time and place.  What is good for you
may not be good for your friend.  What is good in the South may not be good
in the North.  What is good 50 years ago may not be good now.

Our entire life is a long series of making value choices everyday--if we
choose to smoke now; we smoke, if we choose to not smoke, then we don't
smoke.  Conflicting values hit us all the time, every day.  We just have to
resolve value conflicts by making choices.

Resolving value conflicts at personal level is somewhat different
from resolving value conflict at societal level.

1.  At personal level, I am not sure how to recommend.  My advice has always
been:  "Follow your own heart, make the choice, and take the consequences of
your choice."  Both medical school and law school may be equally attractive
to you, but you can only go to one school for now, you just have to choose
which one.  Ask your own heart.

The other advice is that, keep yourself much flexibility as you can.  If you
don't have to close the door now, then don't close the door.  Say,
tattoo.  You want to have a tattoo on your chest, and you ask "Should I put
a tattoo on my chest?"   I would advice, "If in the future you change your
mind and want to take the tattoo off, and you can take it off your chest
easily, then have a tattoo on your chest now.  If you cannot take it off
your chest easily in the future, then think hard about it before
deciding."    Or "I am not sure I should marry her now and wait a little
later?"   then my advice should be "If you don't have to marry her now, then
don't, because you still have the flexibility to marry her later.  If you
marry her now when you are still unsure, then it is much harder her to leave
her once you find out that you have made a mistake."  All things being
equal, the choice that gives you more flexibility is always the better
choice.

But I agree that making value choices are not easy. Sometimes you can't seem
to decide one way or another.  Then wait.  Many times in life, when your
mind is so confused, time can bring out an answer for you.  Just wait and
give Ms. Time some time to work her wonder.

One of the way of resolving value conflict is not making a "blanket rule,"
but making choices according to circumstances.  Say, I am not smoking, but I
am not having a "blanket rule" of never smoking.  Once in a while with a
group of smoking friends, I may puff a cigarette or two, just to socialize.

This "going with the circumstances" methodology is very practical and good,
but it also has the danger of allowing us to really slide down to a lower
level of integrity "Di voi but mac ao ca sa, di voi ma mac ao giay"
 (Walking with the Buddha, wear a cassock, walking with a ghost, wear paper
clothes). So going with honest people, be honest.  Going with corrupt
people, be corrupt.  You see how we may become unprincipled, undisciplined
and low that way?

You just have to know what you can be flexible with and what you can't,
what discipline you have to be rigid about, what you can be flexible with,
when and where?  This is a matter of personal judgment.  You have to
decide for yourself.  Never easy.  Living is an art.

 2.  At the societal level, the best mechanism of resolving conflict is
"talk, negotiate and compromise," which is the fundamental of what we
call "democratic practice."  Smokers and non-smokers just have to talk
together, negotiate and come up with some kind of reasonable rule that makes
both happy, like "You can't smoke in an enclosed public space, but you can
smoke in a designated-smoking place where there is sufficient ventilation."

Of course, life is not simple and easy as I say here.  But generally, that
is how we approach the issue.

Have a great day!

Hoanh


On 5/9/07, Hai M. Tran <outlook124 at gmail.com> wrote:

> [ Vietnam Business Forum ]
>
>
>
>  Dear sister Huong, brother Hoanh and CACC,
>
> Thanks sister Huong for email.
>
> I sometimes face what I called "values conflict" and I do not know how to
> solve it.
>
> Cuz of this conflict, I do not where to go further and it confused
> me much.
>
> I understand that I need to be more clever and have a broader knowledge
> and experience to indentify what is what and what s going on. But I would
> love you guys and gals to share some thoughts, heart and mind with me.
> Consequently, I can benifit much from it under various perspectives.
>
> Thanks very much and waiting for your reply. Please!
>
>
> Great day,
>
>
> Hai
>
>
>
>
>
> --
> Hai M. Tran, LLB
> Hanoi, Vietnam
>
-- 
Tran Dinh Hoanh, LLB, JD
Washington DC
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