[Vnbiz] [vnbiz] Leadership -- Expanding on Core Elements: Compassion

[Tran Dinh Hoanh]

Dear CACC,

In this message I will go over "the rule of law" and "the rule of
compassion."

Think about Riedl, the coach of Vietnam soccer team, who tries to build a
championship team in the international arena.  He must discipline his team
by a set of rules that his players have to follow, such coming to the
practice on time, going to bed early during practice season, etc...   That
is the rule of law.  Rule of law ensures a minimum level of conduct--the
floor of conduct, so to speak.  No one is allowed to fall below that minimum
level.

But rule of law cannot create a super-team.  For his team to be a
champion, the players have to get along with one another very well--No one
tries to stab his friends in the back, and everyone treats other team
members like brothers, they have to understand each other's thinking, habits
and movements very well during play.  They have to have very high team
spirit--no one tries to keep the ball for himself during
play.  Everyone likes the coach and is not constantly upset at him.
Everyone has to have the great fire in his heart that pushes him to work and
work and work for the team to win and win and win.

What generates this kind of passion in the heart is not rule of law, but
inspiration, which comes from compassion--compassion for the team, for other
team members, compassion for the coach, compassion for the game, compassion
for the winning spirit.

In any group of people, be it a small student group, a company or a country,
we need 2 kinds of rule:  Rule of law and rule of compassion.  The rule of
law insures the minimum level of conduct, for the group to survive.  The
rule of compassion gives the people the high spirit to be a champion.

The problem with so many managers and "leaders" is that they only know how
to use the law.  The constantly talk about the rules and laws, lecture their
people about the rules, and are ready to throw the rule book at their people
every time they need to "coach" them.  We can easily see that this is the
"losing leadership."  You simply cannot build a winning team by sticking
low to the floor, to the minimum level of conduct.

Instead, you need to inspire your team members, put fire into their heart,
turn each one of them into a tiger.  You need to inspire them, make them
love the fight, make them love their comrades, make them love you, make them
love victory, put their heart on fire.  Once you focus on building this
passion, you can safely put the rule book back on the shelf, because you
won't need it. In a championwhip team you rarely talk about rule; you talk
about fire.

And there is no set of rules to help you put fire into people's heart.  You
must (1) have the fire in your heart and (2) are so close to your people
that (3) your fire with be spread from your heart to their hearts.

Have a great day!

Hoanh

_______________


On 8/3/07, Tran Dinh Hoanh <tdhoanh at gmail.com> wrote:

> Dear CACC,
>
> In the last message I talked about listening as a major component of
> compassion (and as the most important communication skill).  And while
> talking about listening I mentioned "sensitivity" many times--the more
> sensitive we are, the better we can listen.  In this message, I like to talk
> a bit about the technique to develop your sensitivity.
>
> As a matter of natural law, compassion gives birth to sensitivity--if you
> have compassion, your compassion will give you sensitivity.  And when you
> have sensitivity, your listening (and sensing) skill will develop very
> well.  So if you have compassion, you don't really have to learn much about
> the technique to develop sensitivity.
>
> But to speed up the process, I would like share with you some technique to
> develop our sensitivity today.  These are simple techniques, but to master
> them, you just have to practice, practice, and practice every day.
>
> 1.  Keep your mind *absolutely free of any prejudice in a conversation*.
> Say,  you chat with a taxi driver for fifteen minutes.  Make sure you have
> no prejudice about him in your mind, such as taxi drivers don't have high
> education, they may cheat you if you don't know you way around, this guy
> looks questionable, etc.
>
> The problem is that, most of the time, we don't recognize that we have
> prejudice.  Prejudice usually works at our subconscious level.  So prejudice
> is there and it works to control us, but we don't see it.  The simple method
> to keep prejudice away is asking yourself (during the conversation):  "If
> this taxi driver is the president of Vietnam (or the Pope, or my favorite
> singer My Linh) would I talk to him the way I am talking now?
>
> After many practices for many days, or months, or years, you will start to
> realize that you mind is free of prejudice most of the time, and when you
> have no prejudice, chances are you will be able to spot prejudice every time
> it tries to sneak back into your mind.  Then you will see that your
> understanding of the person you are talking to (whoever that person is)
> increases tremendously within a simple conversation.
>
> 2.  Our ego and our self-love always exist in us.  They never go away.
> But ego and self-love tend to make us more sensitive about ourselves and
> less sensitive about others.  So in each conversation with anyone, including
> children and people with no formal education, tell yourself:  *"There must
> be some valuable thing I can learn from this conversation.  If I don't learn
> anything, I am just not good enough at the art of learning."  *This kind
> of thinking tends to make us more humble and help us treat our conversation
> partner with more respect and depth.
>
> 3.  Practice *follow-up questions*.  If she says, "I work 12 hours a day,
> from 6 am till 6 pm," don't say "Is you business good this month?"  Instead,
> say something closely following her sentence, like "Wow, 12 hours a day, who
> take are of your kids?"
>
> 4.  Talk about *emotion and feeling*, like, "Working long hours like that,
> you can't spend much time with your kids, can you?  You miss them?"
>
> 5.  Talk about *personal things*.  When you talk with someone, ask her
> about her life, her family, her job, her children, her wishes, and her
> desires, and don't just stay with non-personal things like politics or
> religion or sports or business.  Train yourself to be *genuinely
> interested in other people's lives*.
>
> Of course, these are general rules of practice.  Make exceptions to the
> rule whenever you see fit.  But stick with these rules as much as you can,
> in every conversation each day.  If you do these seriously, you will soon
> become anothrr person, much more sensitive, much more compassionate, much
> more humble, and much sharper in perception and thinking.
>
> Trust me.
>
> Hope this helps.  If only one person gains the benefit from my writing, my
> mission is accomplished.
>
> Have a great day!
>
> Hoanh
>
>
>  On 7/29/07, Tran Dinh Hoanh <tdhoanh at gmail.com > wrote:
> >
> > Dear CACC,
> >
> > In this message I will  talk about another major element of compassion:
> > Listening.
> >
> > Have you ever been in love?  If yes, probably you would agree that when
> > you are in love, your antenna is up to pick up any little signal from the
> > one you love.  When you're in love, you listen extremely well.
> >
> > Also, you probably have experienced situations when you try to tell
> > something to someone hundreds of times, starting subtly, then increasing in
> > intensity, until you have to scream, and the person seems to never get what
> > you want to say?
> >
> > Listening has a lot to do with our emotional state.  The more compassion
> > we have, the better we can listen.
> >
> > But listening is very hard for a leader, for a number of reasons:
> >
> > 1.  For most of us humans, listening is much harder than talking.
> > Talking is less tiring, everything is already in your head, you don't have
> > to process new information.  Listening requires that you constantly process
> > the new information from what you hear.
> >
> > 2.  For a egoistic leader, most people under him are less intelligent
> > than him and don't have much to offer.
> >
> > 3.  Most leaders are so busy, they don't even mean what they say, not
> > mentioning listening.  He may greet you "Good morning, how are you?"  and as
> > you say "I am very good today, how are you?" you realize that he has
> > already turned the corner, not so much as giving you a second glance, and
> > obviously oblivious that he has just asked you a question.
> >
> > 4.  Many leaders don't want to hear about unpleasant things, about
> > things that show their weaknesses, about things that are against their plan
> > and vision, about things they disagree upon.
> >
> > So it usually ends up that leaders avoid things they dislike and people
> > who say things they dislike.  Consequentially, leaders usually hear only
> > what they want to hear.  Their lieutenants only tell them what they want to
> > hear, in many cases the lieutenants would go so far as to lie and submit
> > false reports just to please the leader.
> >
> > So when you are in a leadership position, your ability to hear is
> > naturally limited by the nature of your position.  In addition, listening is
> > an art that needs to be practice.  How are you going to be so sensitive to
> > your people's voice that you can pick up a fleeting common within a sea of
> > noises, like a lover in love?  Here is where compassion comes into play. If
> > you are truly compassionate about your people, you will hear every cry so
> > clear.  Every drop of tear, every whimpering sob hurts and burns your
> > heart.  Your ability to pick up voices and information are a thousand
> > times higher than a leader that is not compassionate about his people.
> >
> > *So if you are in a leadership position, 2 things you need to do all the
> > time*:
> >
> > *1.  Make everyone feel comfortable about talking with you about
> > unpleasant things*.  This is easier talked than done.  How do you
> > normally react to such unpleasant talk will give you the reputation of "open
> > and easy to talk to" or "an egoistic narrow-minded SOB."
> >
> > I usually train my people like this:  "Unpleasant information is always
> > rare to hear.  Most people in the world will not tell you  about unpleasant
> > things.   Most will tell you only things you want to hear.  That is human
> > nature.  Generally, no one likes to go out to make other people
> > unhappy.  Therefore, unpleasant information is rare to come by.  That
> > makes unpleasant information valuable.  When someone gives you a piece of
> > unpleasant info, be grateful to him, be happy, because whether you like it
> > or not, you have just got a piece of rare information."
> >
> > "When a client complains, treat her like a great friend, because if she
> > is not good to you, she just stops doing business with you without ever
> > saying anything to you.  Then you don't even know that a have just lost a
> > customer."
> >
> > I remember the chairman of Ritz Carton (an outstanding hotel chain.  I
> > rank the Ritz the best among the big chains) once said that "The information
> > he loves the most is customer complaint, because that is the surest channel
> > for him to know how his company is doing."
> >
> >    *  If you're in business, every time your customer gives you some
> > kind of complaint, do something to make them happy.  Apologize, say
> > thanks, fix whatever she complains about, and give her a discount, even when
> > you know that they are wrong and you are right.  That is just a very small
> > cost for great PR.
> >
> > (There will be a very rare time you need to take your stand for some
> > reason, say, a constantly abusive customer that really annoys other
> > customers.  But that is a very rare chance.  Even with abusive customers,
> > you usually can soft talk them into being nice).
> >
> >     *  When people give you some kind of criticism, think about that
> > immediately as constructive criticism (even though the person may not be so
> > constructive to you.
> >
> >    *  Watch your body language.  Your body says much more than you
> > think.  Do you lean back with crossed arms in a challenging and defensive
> > posture?  Or do you lean forward, with perked ears and wide-open eyes?
> >
> >    *   What do you say and do so that person know that you really
> > appreciate his input (regardless whether you ultimately agree or not)?
> >
> > 2.  *Try to know your people personally and directly as much as you can,
> > and don't just rely on general reports.  *
> > **
> > The more you know about someone, the easier for you to have compassion
> > for that person, the better you can listen to him/her.  Normally a
> > person you only know the name from newspaper is not as close to you as a
> > person you know personally.
> >
> > If you want to know your "people of Vietnam," do you ever take time to
> > chat to a shoe shining boy on the street?  Asking him about his street life,
> > his parents, his job, his dreams and wishes?
> >
> > How about beggars, cyclo drivers, xe om drivers, farmers, etc.?  The
> > more we know people DIRECTLY (versus through books and newspapers), the more
> > we become compassionate to them, the more we are sensitive to their voice.
> >
> >
> > *  Same thing with your employees/subordinates.  How do you make your
> > employees feel welcome to talk to you about hard things?  Do you, as an
> > employee, feel comfortable talking to your boss about hard things?  Not
> > easy, isn't it?  How many times you and your coworkers talk about the
> > company and the boss, but none of you would say any of that to the boss
> > himself.  Talking to the boss is never easy.  Consequently, when you are the
> > boss, making your employees/subordinates  feel easy talking to you is indeed
> > very difficult job.
> >
> > You need to keep some "professional distance" from your employees to be
> > able to do your "boss job," but you still have to be close enough for them
> > to be comfortable talking to you.  Not easy at all.  My solution is that I
> > will hang out with my employees once in a while, always show them that I
> > care for them individually, and whenever they say something, I will make
> > great effort to solicit them to go further into more details with me.   I
> > try to know as much as I can about my employees' family and life outside
> > work, because friends will know about things like that.  Knowing their
> > personal issues (just enough not to invade their privacy) helps me feel
> > closer to them and makes them closer to me.
> >
> > But I still have to rely a lot from my lieutenants, who are closer to
> > other employees.  My lieutenants bridge the gap between me and my
> > employees.  I admit that I have not found the method to close the gap
> > altogether.  I can shorten the gap, but i cannot make it disappear.  The
> > issue then is "Are my lieutenants comfortable enough about telling me the
> > truth they know?"
> >
> > *But here is the highest level of listening--You simply SENSE things
> > without being told anything.  *When you are in love with someone, you
> > simply sense that she is happy, unhappy, annoyed, energetic, disturbed, etc.
> > without her ever saying anything to you.
> >
> > I am so in love with Vietnam for so long that I have always been able to
> > see major Vietnam events long before they actually happen (like the lost of
> > the South, the post-1975 corruption epidemic, the opening up of the
> > country and the reform (I predicted these two things in May or June 1975 to
> > a group of friends in refugee camp, when I was 22), the ability of the VCP
> > to withstand the collapse of Soviet Union (I predicted this in 1989 to a
> > group of Vietnamse politicos), etc.
> >
> > A part of it is from learning and experience--You mull over Vietnam
> > issues for so long, you can just see things before they happen.  But a major
> > part of it is that I am ultra-sensitive to Vietnam issues.  I just sense
> > things before they show themselves.
> >
> > In June or July 1996, I visited with professor Phan Dinh Dieu in Hanoi
> > and he asked me how I felt the country was doing.  At that time, Vietnam was
> > doing every well, and all kinds of rosy reports from the government and
> > international institutions were flying high.  But I told anh Dieu: "I think
> > the country is getting into an economic crisis.  No one sees it now.  But
> > the most is one year from now, everyone will see it.  It could even be 6
> > months."  He asked, "How do you know?"  I said, "Two things.  By my
> > estimation, the reform measures that the VCP instituted have unleashed a lot
> > of people's energy.  But that energy will last only about 10 years.  After
> > 10 years that energy will be exhausted, we will have an economic crisis, and
> > we will need another wave of reform to open more energy.  I think Doi Moi
> > really started (unofficially) in 1996, now is 2006, due time.
> >
> > "The second thing is that last week I walked on Quang Trung streets and
> > the xe om folks worked very hard to get me to use them.  They worked much
> > harder than all the previous time when I was here.  Other street vendors are
> > not so clear as the xe om, but looks like they try harder to sell too.  It
> > means, economic life on the street has started to be hard already. That must
> > be the onset of the crisis I am waiting to happen."
> >
> > Sure enough, in the early 1997 a serious crisis was seen in Vietnam,
> > which later prompted another major wave of reform.  (Incidentally, the
> > Asian financial crisis occurred during that time, probably middle 1997(?)
> > But I did not see the Asian crisis coming, because I was not as focused on
> > Asia as on Vietnam).
> >
> > What I am trying to say by this example is that you can sense things
> > very well without anyone saying anything, without any kind of report,  You
> > are so sensitive to so many little things that you can just see things long
> > before they happen.  *Your sensitivity, and therefore your
> > understanding,  comes naturally from your compassion.*
> > **
> > Among all the communication skills that a leader needs, I think
> > listening is the most important communication skill.   You don't have to be
> > an orator to be a leader, but I don't think you can be a good leader if you
> > are not a good listener.  You simply cannot understand your people (the
> > people you lead) if you cannot listen very well.  And listening requires
> > both an attentive ear and a compassionate heart
> >
> > Have a great day!
> >
> > Hoanh
> >
> >  On 7/25/07, Tran Dinh Hoanh <tdhoanh at gmail.com > wrote:
> > >
> > > Dear CACC,
> > >
> > > In the previous messages we have had an exercise of randomly
> > > mentioning the leadership qualities, and then concentrating them into a
> > > passion, manageable number of 4 core elements:  Vision, Compassion,
> > > Competence, Honesty.  And I have mentioned previously that in any study
> > > subject, the subject's core elements serves as the North Star, everything
> > > else flows from it.
> > >
> > > From this message, we will expand on these 4 core elements, to examine
> > > what flow out from them.  Today, I will examine Compassion.
> > >
> > > In management classes, compassion is also be known as "caring."  You
> > > have compassion for your people, or you love your people, or you care about
> > > your people, they all mean the same  thing in our current context.
> > >
> > > Your compassion comes into play in almost every act and decision you
> > > make every day concerning your clients or your employees. Compassion along
> > > with honesty determine the culture of your organization.
> > >
> > > Do you feel about your employees as "your employees" or as "your
> > > friends" or "comrades"?  That would make a lot of difference in your
> > > employee policy.
> > >
> > > Do you feel about your clients/customers as friends or simply as
> > > someone who may give you money?  That makes a lot of difference in how
> > > you (and your employees) treat your customers, and consequentially a lot of
> > > difference in whether or not you will be successful.
> > >
> > > Note:  In management school, they tend to teach "employment policy"
> > > and "customer policy" out of nowhere.  That is fine.  School is not equipped
> > > to teach matters deep in the heart.  Actually, most courses on leadership
> > > today cannot be called leadership courses, because they stick with easy
> > > things on the surface, like organizations, communication (written, oral)
> > > skills, managing your time, etc.
> > >
> > > Things that really matters, things deep in the heart that control
> > > our thinking and our actions, are not mentioned at all.  The result is that
> > > people have gone to courses after courses on "leadership," and still don't
> > > understand what leadership is, not mentioning mastering it.  I am sure that
> > > many of you have this experience.  Brother Thien mentioned that previously,
> > > himself.
> > >
> > > Leadership starts with you, your heart, your thinking, your behavior.
> > > So in practice, we need to realize that policy comes from our heart.  Say,
> > > if you copy a "great customer policy" from someone else, while in your heart
> > > you constantly feel that customers are just the fat cows for you to
> > > squeeze some milk, then that "great customer policy" will just be useless
> > > and will be ruined by you.  Policy is not just a document out there.
> > > Policy, both the policy language and its execution, comes from our heart.
> > >
> > > At this juncture, we should go over some of the compassion measures
> > > and Shane has mentioned previously.
> > >
> > > 1.  Never ask your followers to do things you are not willing to do
> > > yourself.  This is obvious. I often ask "Were Johnson, Nixon, etc. willing
> > > to go to Vietnam and fight the way they sent people's children there?  Was
> > > Bush willing to go to Iraq and fight himself?"
> > >
> > > It is easy to sit in an office and decree that many people go to their
> > > death.  But if we are truly compassionate to our people, we never ask them
> > > to do things that we are not willing to do ourselves.  (The opposite is true
> > > with mafia and other unethical leaders.   The leader would send an associate
> > > to do the crime so that the leader can keep his hands clean for the law).
> > >
> > > 2.  Be fair to all of your people. No favoritism.  It is practical.
> > > Because if you favor one group over other groups, you may split your
> > > organization in pieces some day.  This also means fair in reward and
> > > punishment.
> > >
> > > 3.  Taking care of the organization and preventing from being
> > > destroyed, even if you have to sacrifice a group of your people.  Anh Shane
> > > told the story of the ship captain deciding to seal of a compartment of the
> > > ship, killing 4 sailors inside, to prevent the fire spreading from that
> > > compartment to the entire ship.  This is great example of making hard
> > > heart-wrenching.  (My God!  I hope that I will never have to make a choice
> > > like that).
> > >
> > > Same thing with firing an employee or a group of employees.   It is
> > > always heart-wrenching and head-aching to fire an employee.  You are hurting
> > > someone's career and paycheck and, sometimes, life.  Except for some
> > > sadists, I don't think anyone of us enjoys firing people.  In addition, some
> > > other employees may even get upset when you fire someone.  But if you have
> > > to do that to prevent the organization from being damaged, then you just
> > > have to do what you have to do.
> > >
> > > But here is also the most abusive problem in leadership throughout
> > > history.  Many leaders have crucified one group of people in the country, in
> > > the name of saving the entire country.  In recent history, Hitler ruthlessly
> > > killed the Jews in the name of the Aryan nation.  The Communists are
> > > legendary in inflicting miseries on the merchants, the property owners, the
> > > capitalists, the bourgeois, in the name of making the entire people more
> > > equitable and more happy!   (Sorry for the Communist brothers/sisters.  I
> > > now that Communists today is not those of the old days.  But I just have to
> > > use recent history examples that everyone knows, to make my writing
> > > clearer).
> > >
> > > Harassing, jailing, torturing, killing millions of people in the name
> > > of "saving the nation," "saving the people," "moving the people and the
> > > nation forward" etc. have been the slogan of mass murderers throughout
> > > history.
> > >
> > > The problem is that many of these mass murders really believe that
> > > they were helping their nation and their people while cutting other people's
> > > throats!
> > >
> > > Why?
> > >
> > > Because many people do not know that their mind can deceive them into
> > > a monster.  Some dumb political theory, some extreme zeal to save the
> > > world, some self-aggrandizing allusion, or some sadistic impulse may easily
> > > turn some guys with unchecked power and without a solid foundation of
> > > ethics, i.e., humbleness and compassion, into a monster.
> > >
> > > Great virtues--compassion, humbleness, honesty, loyalty--always act as
> > > a solid foundation for us humans to stand on to keep our bearing at all
> > > time.
> > >
> > > How do we not fall into the mental trap of "serving the whole while
> > > destroying the part"?  This is a very tricky issue.  When a surgery to cut
> > > your arm is good for your body, when cutting the arm simply weakens your
> > > body without any benefit?
> > >
> > > My intuitive answer is:  Cutting the arm is never good for my body.  I
> > > don't want to cut my arm.  If you tell me I should cut my arm, I will ask
> > > for a second, a third, a fourth medical opinion, and try anything possible
> > > not to cut it, until I know that I have absolutely no choice.  (Of course,
> > > taking the time factor in consideration, such as the ship fire in anh
> > > Shane's example).
> > >
> > > In politics (or business) it is translated into "I will do anything I
> > > can to keep this group of 'trouble makers' with me, until I know that I have
> > > absolutely no choice but cutting them off."
> > >
> > > And I only have the strength and patience to work to keep them if I
> > > have true compassion for them.  *I care for each of them individually
> > > in my heart,* I care for them as I care for my own arm.  I don't treat
> > > them just as "a group of trouble makers" that I have to get rid of in order
> > > to "save the nation."  Each of my trouble makers is my citizen with a name
> > > (Xuan or Hoa or Thinh) and a face, s/he is my brother/sister, who has a
> > > life, a family, bills to pay, children to raise, job to keep.  Any misery I
> > > may inflict on any of them also hurts their spouses, parents, children,
> > > brothers/sisters and also hurts me in my heart.  So I will try to reduce
> > > misery for them as much as I can.  I will try my utmost to work with them,
> > > and bring them into the family.  I will NOT cut them off unless I am
> > > absolutely sure I have tried everything else and I have no other choice. And
> > > if I have to cut them off, I will try to reduce their miseries as much as I
> > > can.
> > >
> > > Only when we have the intense compassion toward each CONCRETE person
> > > individually, and not just compassion toward the ABSTRACT idea of "the
> > > entire people" or "the entire nation," we will have the mental clarity to
> > > keep us away from the trap of becoming a zealous mass torturer, and to do
> > > what is best for everyone under the circumstances.
> > >
> > > Compassion means compassion for each person walking the street.  Not
> > > compassion for the abstract "people" only.  "The People" is a concept that
> > > does not really exist.  What really exists is many concrete humans walking
> > > the street.
> > >
> > > I'd like to conclude this message by thank you and Shane for the great
> > > list and by reminding everyone about what great masters of old have said
> > > over and over again throughout history: Our mind is a monkey, very easy to
> > > get out of control.  A humble spirit, a true compassion for others will
> > > always act as the great mechanism to keep our mind calm and in check.
> > >
> > > Have a great day!
> > >
> > > Hoanh
> > >
> > >
> >
> >

-- 
Tran Dinh Hoanh, Esq., LLB, JD
Washington DC
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