[Vnbiz] (The Bad Habits of Vietnamese)

[Tran Dinh Hoanh]

Dear brother Toan & CACC,

Thanks, Brother Toan, for sending one exciting article after another :-)

For Craig, the article is about folks acting proud from "about to settling
overseas," "about to be married into a Vietkieu family," "proud of being
photographed with some leader" etc... with the conclusion that these folks
have the inferiority complex.  The article is written with a stinging tone.

Brother Toan, you ask how I feel about this article.  Let me ask everyone:
What contribution does this article make to our society?   Do you think that
the article will have any good effect on anyone?  Or does it just give the
instant satisfaction to the writer for venting his own steam and
massages some readers' sense of self righteousness?

If a bunch of friends sitting in a coffee shop badmouthing about you, you
tell me what kind of contribution they make to their conversation or their
life or any one's life.

In addition, what's wrong with being proud about settling overseas or taking
a picture with a leader?  What's wrong about letting all your friends know
about it?   Personally, I usually don't take pictures with leaders I meet.
But that is me.  If other people are proud about it and want the world to
know about it, that is OK.  Being married into a Vietkieu family is, gosh,
nothing.  But if someone is proud about it and tells the world about it,
what is the harm?

If you are in love and, as they say, love blinds and you tell the entire
world 24 hours a day that she is the most beautiful, most intelligent, most
gorgeous, most sexy, most sweet lady in the universe and that Miss World
can't even come close, I would love to tell you "Congratulation, brother.
You're in love!"

Instead of criticizing, we should learn to understand others and share their
happiness .  I would say, "Oh, so you are going overseas.  Congratulation!
Keep my address handy, so when you are homesick and need someone to tam su,
you can write to me,"  or "Wow, you and the General Secretary together in
this picture.  You look good, man.  Tell me, when that happened?  Did you
talk to him?  What did you guys talk about? ..."

If we look at each other to criticize, everyone of us would provide abundant
materials for a writer to criticize.  I look at my heart and I know that
someone can honestly write a 200-page book about my weaknesses and bad
habits, and if he goes further to attack me unfairly, the book can be 1,000
pages long.  But why would we want to do that?  It adds nothing to life.

We need to learn to admire each other, to share in each other's little
happiness, to encourage each other, to lift each other UP.  That is how we
make our Self and the world a little happier, and that is how the entire
nation is going UP.

The ONLY way for our nation to move up is that we all LIFT EACH OTHER UP.

Every time we beat each other down, we drag our nation down.

And it is not hard to train our mind to be positive.  It may take some time
to master.  But it is easy and can be achieved.

A half glass of water can be said half full or half empty.   Either way is
correct.  We just have to choose which way we want our mind to think.

Any situation in life, any situation at all, can be looked at with a
positive attitude or negative attitude.  You have just bought a new Honda
and two days later you get into an accident so bad that your Honda becomes a
pile of scrap.  You can complain about how bad luck has played an
unfair trick on you blah blah blah.  Or you can thank God or Quan Am Bo Tat
for protecting you in time of danger, that you are so lucky that your
Honda was smashed but you are still alive.  Just pick your choice of
thinking.

One day a friend asked me: "Tell me about your bad times."  I pondered over
the question for a minute or so and said: "You know, I don't see any bad
time in my life."  He said: "What do you mean you don't see?"  I said,
"Well, there were times I had no money for food, there were times I had no
job, there were times I was extremely depressed, there were times I had all
kinds of problems in my personal and professional life.  I have had all
kinds of problems many many times, but I can't say that those are my bad
times.  They all are my good times.  Whenever I am in a tough time, I would
always come out of it stronger and wiser.  They are just my training
ground.  Once in a while you go into the training and come out stronger and
wiser.  There is no bad time."   I was not trying to give my friend a
lecture.  I was trying to give him an honest answer.  My mind couldn't find
a "bad time" in my life.

We need to train our mind to be so positive that it refuses to see anything
in the negative way.  For me, the positive attitude hardest to train is to
learn to love and to admire everyone around us.  We have our own way of
living and conducting ourselves, and when we see other people do things
differently, our prejudice is so strong that they annoy us and we don't see
anything good in them.  (In the Buddhist tradition, prejudice is called
"cha^'p" -- grasping or attaching.  We grasp on to an idea and our mind
is stuck to that idea, and we color every thing by looking at the
world through that idea.  Our Buddhist tradition teaches vo^ cha^'p,
non-attachment, non-grasping).

I am not saying that we have to act like everyone else.  Each of us should
just act in our own way. But because we love our own way, we have to learn
to accept other people's ways, share in their happiness, admire their
strength.  Everyone in the world has something to admire.  If we cannot find
something to admire in someone, then there is something wrong with us.  The
kid who shines our shoes has experienced such a hard life at that age.  The
cook who gives us the good bowl of Pho has the experience equal to PhD in
Pho cooking (if some university decides to issue such a degree).  The cycle
driver has such a great stamina to peddle all day long (while I, with a
black belt in Ju Jitsu, will last probably 15 minutes with a passenger going
a little uphill).

And we need to learn to share in other people's happiness.  We don't like
running after clothing fashion, but many (women? :-) love fashion, learn to
share in their their passion and happiness anyway.

We don't like taking picture with leaders and showing off the picture to the
world, but others like to do that, learn to share in their happiness
anyway.

We don't like to make a big deal out of being la`m quan, but many people do
that, learn to share in their happiness anyway.

We don't like to marry a Taiwanese, but many people like that.  Love them
anyway.

We don't like people spending big money on outrageous wedding parties, share
in their happiness anyway (and find way to ask folks to save a bit of such
money for the poor).

We don't approve of prostitution, love the prostitutes anyway.  Lift them up
and help them gain  decent employment.

We don't approve of drug, love the drug addicts anyway.  Help them have a
better life.

Learn to share in others' happiness, although to us their happiness may
appear ridiculous.

Unless something is illegal or immoral that we need to address directly,
human idiosyncrasy is very normal in each of us.  Everyone of us has his/her
own idiosyncrasy.  Learn to accept each other's idiosyncrasy and share in
each other's happiness.

Remember, the rule is simple:  The only way for our nation to move up is
that we all lift each other up.

Let's lift each other up.

Have a great day, brother Toan and all.

Hoanh
__________


On 10/1/06, ToanDucPham at GMail.com <toanducpham at gmail.com> wrote:
>
>
> [Vietnam Business Forum]
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Dear anh Hoanh, anh Binh, anh Craig, and other CACEs,
> Anh Hoanh oi, you said:
> ===
> ...
> I understand Tien Phong's purposes when they post that series of
> articles about bad habits of the Vietnamese.   However I seriously have a
> problem with that.
> First, as mentioned earlier, most problems on the list are not exclusively
> Vietnamese.  Arrogance, impatience, laziness, etc...  are very abundant
> in any society in the world.  When we say that these are Vietnamese
> problems, we really look down on ourselves.
> ...
> ===
>
> Well, what would you say about this article below?
> ===
> http://www.tienphongonline.com.vn/Tianyon/Index.aspx?ArticleID=61955&ChannelID=7
>
>
> Chủ Nhật, 01/10/2006, 12:45
> Tự ti vĩ đại
> TPCN - Một anh hàng xóm của tôi, nghèo rớt mồng tơi, sáng ngồi quán cà phê
> khoe sắp được bảo lãnh xuất ngoại, mặt anh vênh lên như giàu có đến nơi.
> Nhưng mấy năm anh vẫn ở nhà, vẫn nghèo.
> Cũng hàng xóm của tôi, có ông khoe có bà con là Việt kiều ở nước nọ nước
> kia, có ông khoe có con gái sắp làm dâu gia đình Việt kiều.
> Lại có người có "bà con làm quan" hoặc được chụp ảnh đang đứng gần vị lãnh
> đạo nào đó là đem khoe khắp nơi. Mặt rạng rỡ, miệng tươi cười cứ như họ cũng
> sắp được làm quan hay là "quan phẩy".
> Tôi từng chứng kiến một người bảo cái người có tấm ảnh chụp với lãnh đạo
> là cất đi, khoe thế đủ rồi thì người có ảnh sửng cồ lên và họ cãi nhau.
> Không ra làm sao cả!
> Chẳng riêng dân nghèo. Thỉnh thoảng tôi nghe vài người khá giả khoe dòng
> họ, quê hương có bao nhiều người làm cán bộ ở tỉnh, ở Trung ương. Sau kỳ Đại
> hội Đảng là vồn vã bắt tay "chúc mừng quê anh có nhiều người vào Trung
> ương".
> Có lần tôi nói thẳng: Tuy cùng quê nhưng tôi chưa bao giờ được gặp các ông
> "đồng hương" quan to ấy. Người ta cứ bắt tay tôi chúc mừng và người ta cũng
> mừng vui với tôi như thể vì thế mà chúng tôi vinh dự hơn hay sao ấy?
> Một hôm tôi được mời đến một phường chứng kiến "sự kiện đặc biệt". Đến nơi
> thấy có mấy cán bộ hưu trí ngồi quanh một cái bàn nhỏ phủ vải đỏ, trên đặt
> bộ ấm chén sứt mẻ.
> Một cán bộ hưu trí đứng lên long trọng giới thiệu: Bộ ấm chén từng được
> một vị lãnh đạo hoạt động bí mật hồi kháng chiến sử dụng. Tôi hỏi làm sao
> biết được?
> Cán bộ hưu trí khuyên tôi bình tĩnh để nghe kể tiếp: Họ đã tìm được căn
> hầm bí mật mà một lần đi công tác qua đây, vị lãnh đạo nghỉ đêm và sử dụng
> cái ấm sứt này. Nhưng nơi làm căn hầm bí mật nay là vườn cây của một gia
> đình và cần tiền mua lại xây dựng nên một "địa chỉ đỏ", họ nhờ tôi viết bài
> tác động để xin kinh phí.
> Tôi thật khó xử, mấy chục năm kháng chiến, những nơi các vị tiền bối dừng
> chân đếm làm sao hết, ấm chén bát đũa các vị dùng chắc cũng rất nhiều? Trong
> lúc đó các cán bộ nghỉ hưu sôi nổi bàn tán với niềm tự hào chân thành là
> phường của họ có thêm địa chỉ đỏ, hơn hẳn phường bên cạnh.
> Cuộc sống nghèo khổ, lạc hậu kéo dài làm cho con người Việt Nam có khát
> khao cháy bỏng về sự giàu sang, vượt thoát lên cho "bằng chị bằng em", bằng
> thiên hạ.
> Nhưng hoàn cảnh "phép vua thua lệ làng" ràng buộc, người Việt Nam ta sinh
> ra hay tìm lối thoát bằng cách dựa dẫm, không dựa được cụ thể thì "dựa hơi"
> và lấy đó để tự an ủi. Một người tự an ủi, nhiều người cùng tự an ủi, có khi
> cả dòng họ, cả xã, cả huyện cùng tự an ủi bởi một điều không đâu. Thật là
> một tính cách "tự ti vĩ đại".
> Sáu Nghệ
> ===
>
> Cheers,
> Em Toan.
>
>

-- 
Tran Dinh Hoanh, LLB, JD
Attorney of Law
Washington DC
-------------- next part --------------
An HTML attachment was scrubbed...
URL: http://mail.saigon.com/pipermail/vnbiz/attachments/20061001/5e70fb86/attachment.html