[vn-singles] Kids Today

[T U]

When I was a kid adults used to bore me to tears with
their tedious diatribes about how hard things were
when they were growing up; what with walking
twenty-five miles to school every morning uphill both
ways through year 'round blizzards carrying their
younger siblings on their backs to their one-room
schoolhouse where they maintained a straight-A average
despite their full-time after-school job at the local
textile mill where they worked for 35 cents an hour
just to help keep their family from starving to death!

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up
there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of
crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how
easy they've got it! But....

Now that I've reached the ripe old age of thirty , I
can't help but look around and notice the youth of
today. You've got it so f*ckin' easy! I mean, compared
to my childhood, you live in a goddamned Utopia! And I
hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how
good you've got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The
Internet--we wanted to know something, we had to go to
the goddamned library and look it up yourselves! And
there was no email! We had to actually write somebody
a letter--with a pen!--and then you had to walk all
the way across the street and put it in the f*ckin'
mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!
And there were no MP3s or Napsters! You wanted to
steal music, you had to go to the goddamned record
store and shoplift it yourself! Or we had to wait
around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ
would usually talk over some part of it and f*ck it
all up! (AIN'T THAT THE TRUTH!!!)

You want to hear about hardship? You couldn't just
download porn! You had to bribe some homeless dude to
buy you a copy of "Hustler" at the 7-11! It was either
that or jack-off to the lingerie section of the JC
Penney catalog! Those were your options! We didn't
have fancy sh*t like Call Waiting! If you were on the
phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal!
And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When
the phone rang, you had no idea who it was it could be
your boss, your mom, a collections agent, your drug
dealer, you didn't know!!! You just had to pick it up
and take your chances, mister! And we didn't have any
fancy Sony Playstation videogames with high-resolution
3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like
"Space Invaders" and "Asteroids" and the graphics
sucked ass! Your guy was a little square! You had to
use your imagination! And there were no multiple
levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And
you could never win, the game just kept getting harder
and faster until you died! Just like LIFE! When you
went to the movie theater there no such thing as
stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! A
tall guy sat in front of you, you were screwed! ! And
sure, we had cable television, but back then that was
only like 20 channels and there was no onscreen menu!
You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find
out what was on! And there was no Cartoon Network! You
could only get cartoons on Saturday morning...D'ya
hear what the f*ck I'm saying!?!  We had to wait ALL
WEEK, you spoiled little bastards!

That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today
have got it too easy. You're spoiled, I swear to God!
You guys wouldn't last five minutes in 1984!

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