[Hue] Jokes for red-neck republicans! :-):-):-)

[Peter Le]

A man walked into a cowboy bar and ordered a beer justas President Bush appeared on the television. After afew sips, he looked up at the television and mumbled,"Now, there's the biggest horse's ass I've ever seen."A customer at the end of the bar quickly stood up,walked over to him, and decked him. A few minuteslater, as the man was finishing his beer, Mrs. Bushappeared on the television. "She's a horse's ass too,"the man. This time, a customer at the other end of thebar quickly stood up, walked over to him, and knockedhim off his stool. "Damn it!" the man said, climbingback up to the bar. "This must be Bush country!""Nope," the bartender replied. "Horse country!"----------------------------------------------------George W. Bush went to see the doctor to get theresults of his brain scan. The doctor said: "Mr.President, I have some bad news for you. First, wehave discovered that your brain has two sides: theleft side and the right side."Bush interrupted, "Well, that's normal, isn't
 it? Ithought everybody had two sides to their brain?"The doctor replied, "That's true, Mr. President. Butyour brain is very unusual because on the left sidethere isn't anything right, while on the right sidethere isn't anything left."-------------------------------------------------------When Einstein died and arrived at the gates of heaven,St. Peter wouldn't let him in until he proved hisidentity. Einstein scribbled out a couple of hisequations, and was admitted into paradise.And when Picasso died, St. Peter asked, "How do I knowyou're Picasso?"Picasso sketched out a couple of his masterpieces. St.Peter was convinced and let him in.When George W. Bush died, he went to heaven and metthe man at the gates. "How can you prove to me you'reGeorge W. Bush?" Saint Peter said.Bush replied, "Well heck, I don't know."St. Peter says, "Well, Albert Einstein showed me hisequations and Picasso drew his famous pictures. Whatcan you do to prove you're George W. Bush?"Bush replies, "Who are Albert
 Einstein and Picasso?"St. Peter says, "It must be you, George, c'mon on in."-------------------------------------------------------WASHINGTON (Reuters) - A tragic fire on Mondaydestroyed the personal library of President George W.Bush. Both of his books have been lost.Presidential spokesman Ari Fleischer said thepresident was devastated, as he had not finishedcoloring the second one.-------------------------------------------------------Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and George W. Bush were set toface a firing squad in a small Central Americancountry. Bill Clinton was the first one placed againstthe wall and just before the order was given he yelledout, "Earthquake!" The firing squad fell into a panicand Bill jumped over the wall and escaped in theconfusion. Al Gore was the second one placed against the wall.The squad was reassembled and Al pondered what he hadjust witnessed. Again before the order was given Alyelled out, "Tornado!" Again the squad fell apart andAl slipped over the wall.The
 last person, George W. Bush, was placed againstthe wall. He was thinking, "I see the pattern here,just scream out something about a disaster and hopover the wall." He confidently refused the blindfoldas the firing squad was reassembled. As the rifleswere raised in his direction he grinned from ear toear and yelled, "Fire!"-------------------------------------------------------Before the inauguration, George W. was invited to a'get acquainted' tour of the White House. After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he askedPresident Clinton if he could use his personalbathroom. He was astonished to see that the Presidenthad a solid gold urinal!That afternoon, George W. told his wife, Laura, aboutthe urinal. "Just think," he said, "when I amPresident, I'll have my own personal gold urinal!"Later, when Laura had lunch with Hillary at her tourof the White House, she told Hillary how impressedGeorge had been with his discovery of the fact that,in the President's private bathroom, the
 President hada gold urinal.That evening, Bill and Hillary were getting ready forbed. Hillary turned to Bill and said, "Well, I foundout who pissed in your saxophone."-------------------------------------------------------While visiting England, George Bush is invited to teawith the Queen. He asks her what her leadershipphilosophy is. She says that it is to surround herselfwith intelligent people. He asks how she knows ifthey're intelligent. "I do so by asking them the rightquestions," says the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate."She phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister.Please answer this question: Your mother has a child,and your father has a child, and this child is notyour brother or sister. Who is it?" Tony Blairresponds ,"It's me, ma'am.""Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says theQueen. She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr.Bush?""Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be usingthat!"Upon returning to Washington, he decides he'd betterput the Chairman of the
 Senate Foreign RelationsCommittee to the test. He summons Jesse Helms to theWhite House and says, "Senator Helms, I wonder if youcan answer a question for me.""Why, of course, sir. What¹s on your mind?""Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has achild, and this child is not your brother or yoursister. Who is it?"Helms hems and haws and finally asks, "Can I thinkabout it and get back to you?"Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. Helms immediately callsa meeting of other senior Republican senators, andthey puzzle over the question for several hours, butnobody can come up with an answer. Finally, indesperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the StateDepartment and explains his problem."Now lookee here, son, your mother has a child, andyour father has a child, and this child is not yourbrother or your sister. Who is it?"Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course, youdumb cracker."Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White Houseand exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who
 itis! It's Colin Powell!"And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, you dumb shit,it's Tony Blair!"-------------------------------------------------------Bush and Gore were sitting in a restaurant to discussthe craziness of the election. When the waitress cameto take their orders, Gore said, "I'll take thesteak." When she asked Bush, he said, "I'll take thequicky." Gore motioned for the waitress to comecloser, and whispered into her ear "He means thequiche."-------------------------------------------------------George W. Bush and his driver were going to Air ForceOne and were passing a farm. A pig jumped out in theroad suddenly. The driver tried to get out of the way,but he hit him. He went in the farm to explain whathad happened. He came out with a beer, a cigar, and atons of money. Bush saw this and said, "My God, whatdid you tell them?" The driver replied, "I told themthat I'm George W. Bush's driver and I just killed thepig."


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